"A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back." Proverbs 29:11 (NKJV)
I read this verse in another devotional today and it hit me that sometimes we vent our feelings to people for various reasons. Sometimes we want to validated for how we are feeling. You know get your friends all on your side. Other times we are so upset that we just can't find it in ourselves to stop from venting.
Other times still we vent for the sake of making sure that others know what we are feeling and that someone has hurt us. In that process we have shared pain and gossip.
I am guilty of this. I have had to try hard to keep my tongue in situations and at times have not been successful. I remember a time at work that I vented my feelings about how much time a project took that I was working on because I didn't have the help of a co-worker. While I wanted a little praise for work well done, I really wanted my boss to know that I did all the work and that the other person did not do their part.
I pray that I don't vent my feelings but process them and hold my words until when and where it is wise. I don't want to bring myself or another down from my vent feelings.
Becky Sosa 9/23/2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Nothing More Nothing Less
Rachel Olsen"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought." Matthew 5:5 (MSG)
Lord, how can I become content with just who I am, nothing more and nothing less?
I'm certainly prone to want to be more, or less, than I am. To be smarter, prettier, funnier, fitter. To be more productive, perky and high energy. And then also to be lower key, calmer, more level-headed and focused.
I want to have better self-awareness, and yet I want to be less concerned about what others think of me.
I want to be a better cook, to sing beautifully and to keep th e house neat without so much perceived effort. And did I mention fuller, thicker hair would be nice too? I want to be a better writer – one that's both highly creative and meticulously organized. And I want fewer propensities to run late, slack off or procrastinate.
Yes, I want to be both more and less of me.
Jesus shushes my endless listing of the things I want to change about myself – to improve about myself so I can have what I'm sure would be a better life. He asks me instead to humbly make peace with it all. To lay down my notions of a better woman and a better life by letting Him be the judge of that. To simply take what I'm given and offer it back to Him, in service and surrender. Willingly assuming that I am enough – I have what it takes to live a great life. One that pleases God, others and self.
Today's key verse is among several in the Bible that fuels a core convi ction I hold: When I stop striving to create a life for myself, I find the life God creates for me. This, my friend, is a powerful truth, a divine secret. His life for me begins precisely where mine ends. My life ends in my sin and striving and begins again in God's grace and power. His empowering indwelling affords me everything I truly need and nothing I truly don't.
Do you too long to be content with just who you are in Christ – nothing more and nothing less? Jesus addresses us both in Matthew 23:11-12, ""Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant. If you puff yourself up, you'll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you're content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty." (MSG)
Amazingly, God's grace humbles a woman without degrading her, and His favor lifts her up without inflating her. The life she finds in Him makes her the proud owner of everything money can't buy – a life of contentment.Dear Lord, help me to quiet my critical, striving spirit today and gratefully accept who I am and where I'm at in this moment. For You are here, ready to invisibly empower my life to count for plenty right where I am. Help me also to seek and hold your definition of "plenty" – nothing more and nothing less. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Lord, how can I become content with just who I am, nothing more and nothing less?
I'm certainly prone to want to be more, or less, than I am. To be smarter, prettier, funnier, fitter. To be more productive, perky and high energy. And then also to be lower key, calmer, more level-headed and focused.
I want to have better self-awareness, and yet I want to be less concerned about what others think of me.
I want to be a better cook, to sing beautifully and to keep th e house neat without so much perceived effort. And did I mention fuller, thicker hair would be nice too? I want to be a better writer – one that's both highly creative and meticulously organized. And I want fewer propensities to run late, slack off or procrastinate.
Yes, I want to be both more and less of me.
Jesus shushes my endless listing of the things I want to change about myself – to improve about myself so I can have what I'm sure would be a better life. He asks me instead to humbly make peace with it all. To lay down my notions of a better woman and a better life by letting Him be the judge of that. To simply take what I'm given and offer it back to Him, in service and surrender. Willingly assuming that I am enough – I have what it takes to live a great life. One that pleases God, others and self.
Today's key verse is among several in the Bible that fuels a core convi ction I hold: When I stop striving to create a life for myself, I find the life God creates for me. This, my friend, is a powerful truth, a divine secret. His life for me begins precisely where mine ends. My life ends in my sin and striving and begins again in God's grace and power. His empowering indwelling affords me everything I truly need and nothing I truly don't.
Do you too long to be content with just who you are in Christ – nothing more and nothing less? Jesus addresses us both in Matthew 23:11-12, ""Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant. If you puff yourself up, you'll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you're content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty." (MSG)
Amazingly, God's grace humbles a woman without degrading her, and His favor lifts her up without inflating her. The life she finds in Him makes her the proud owner of everything money can't buy – a life of contentment.Dear Lord, help me to quiet my critical, striving spirit today and gratefully accept who I am and where I'm at in this moment. For You are here, ready to invisibly empower my life to count for plenty right where I am. Help me also to seek and hold your definition of "plenty" – nothing more and nothing less. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
The Good Side of Clonflict
The Good Side of Conflict
9 Sep 2010Lysa TerKeurst"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)When I was in my early twenties, there was nothing I disliked more than conflict. I won't use the tired cliché that I avoided it like the plague. But, since I just used it anyhow, I'll admit I tried to navigate around conflict at any cost.I was a 'stuff it and smile' kind of girl. The problem with pretending to be fine when you're really not, is all that pent up steam will eventually come out. And if you've ever held your hand too close to steam, you know how it can burn.A much healthier approach to the inevitable conflicts we all must deal with is to face the issue head on with grace and humility having asked ourselves one very cruci al question. This question is so crucial that might I dare say not asking it could lead to extreme conflict escalation rather than relationship restoration.So, what's this crucial question?Am I trying to prove or improve? That's the question.
In other words, is my desire in this conflict to prove that I am right or to improve the relationship at hand?When I try to prove I am right, I use the circumstances of the conflict as an arsenal to attack the other person. I come armed with past hurts and offenses ready to state my case. I'm tempted to tear down the other person. I react from a place of hurt and anger and can often say things I later regret.On the other hand, when my desire is to improve the relationship, I seek to understand where the other person is coming from and I care enough about the relationship to fight for it rather than against it.
Instead of reacting out of anger, I pause and let the Holy Spiri t interrupt my first impulses. I tackle the issues, not the person.Here are some great questions to ask when we're dealing with conflict out of a desire to improve a relationship:• Can you help me understand why you feel this way?• Why don't we both agree to stick to the issue at hand and not pull in past issues?• What is your desired outcome in this situation?• How can we meet in the middle on this issue?My husband I have renamed what we used to call "fights." We now call them "growth opportunities." And the more we've been practicing these principles, the less conflicts we've been having.But I won't tie this devotion up in a neat bow and end all "cheerio." While Art and I are doing great right now and have had very few "growth opportunities" lately, conflicts with others seem to always be around the corner. So please hear my heart, I'm not saying all of this is easy.
Just this week I've had to tackle some growth opportunities that made me feel like I had fire crackers burning through my veins.Maybe you can relate.What I will say is that it's possible to let those conflicts lead us to better places in our relationships. Improved places. And that is the good side of conflict.Dear Lord, help me to realize that with each conflict I face I can make the choice to improve the relationship rather than try and prove I'm right.
This is hard, Lord, really hard. But, I want to grow in this area and I know this is a good place to start. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
9 Sep 2010Lysa TerKeurst"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)When I was in my early twenties, there was nothing I disliked more than conflict. I won't use the tired cliché that I avoided it like the plague. But, since I just used it anyhow, I'll admit I tried to navigate around conflict at any cost.I was a 'stuff it and smile' kind of girl. The problem with pretending to be fine when you're really not, is all that pent up steam will eventually come out. And if you've ever held your hand too close to steam, you know how it can burn.A much healthier approach to the inevitable conflicts we all must deal with is to face the issue head on with grace and humility having asked ourselves one very cruci al question. This question is so crucial that might I dare say not asking it could lead to extreme conflict escalation rather than relationship restoration.So, what's this crucial question?Am I trying to prove or improve? That's the question.
In other words, is my desire in this conflict to prove that I am right or to improve the relationship at hand?When I try to prove I am right, I use the circumstances of the conflict as an arsenal to attack the other person. I come armed with past hurts and offenses ready to state my case. I'm tempted to tear down the other person. I react from a place of hurt and anger and can often say things I later regret.On the other hand, when my desire is to improve the relationship, I seek to understand where the other person is coming from and I care enough about the relationship to fight for it rather than against it.
Instead of reacting out of anger, I pause and let the Holy Spiri t interrupt my first impulses. I tackle the issues, not the person.Here are some great questions to ask when we're dealing with conflict out of a desire to improve a relationship:• Can you help me understand why you feel this way?• Why don't we both agree to stick to the issue at hand and not pull in past issues?• What is your desired outcome in this situation?• How can we meet in the middle on this issue?My husband I have renamed what we used to call "fights." We now call them "growth opportunities." And the more we've been practicing these principles, the less conflicts we've been having.But I won't tie this devotion up in a neat bow and end all "cheerio." While Art and I are doing great right now and have had very few "growth opportunities" lately, conflicts with others seem to always be around the corner. So please hear my heart, I'm not saying all of this is easy.
Just this week I've had to tackle some growth opportunities that made me feel like I had fire crackers burning through my veins.Maybe you can relate.What I will say is that it's possible to let those conflicts lead us to better places in our relationships. Improved places. And that is the good side of conflict.Dear Lord, help me to realize that with each conflict I face I can make the choice to improve the relationship rather than try and prove I'm right.
This is hard, Lord, really hard. But, I want to grow in this area and I know this is a good place to start. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Friday, September 3, 2010
When People Let You Down
"Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us." Psalm 62:8 (NASB)
Disappointment feels like a heavy rock sinking to the bottom of my spirit. I've felt disappointed in many situations – a business opportunity that didn't pan out, a writing door that didn't open, and a relationship that broke my young heart.The heaviest disappointments for me, however, stem from people. And not just any people; people who I'm closest to. People who turn out to be not at all what I hoped they'd be, or not who I thought they were.I know I'm not alone in wondering how to deal with people who let me down. Just this week a friend said with a choke in her voice, "I wish my mom and I could be closer, but I don't think we ever will be." Another woman said with despondency, "My husband and I just don't talk." I've heard the edge of bitterness in women's voices as they vow never to trust again because of a friend's betrayal. And most of us have swallowed the hopelessness that comes with a broken heart, "I thought he was the one."I've tried different ways to handle disappointments in relationships. One way is to ignore the disappointment, to shut it in a box and hope the lid holds. Another way is to gloss over it with a quick statement such as, "People will let you down, but God never will." True, but does this really help me process the hurt?One morning in my quiet time I was pouring out my sadness, anger and disappointment about a close relationship. As the tears slipped down my face, I begged God to show up. What do I do with all this? Show me and I'll do it because what I've been doing is not working.
Clear as a bell ringing in my spirit, Jesus said, Grieve.
Really? I questioned. I remembered that Jesus knew all about disappointment – Peter's denial, Judas' betrayal, and the disciples falling asleep during His anguish before His crucifixion (Matthew 26). I remembered people in the Bible who were well acquainted with people they loved letting them down, such as Joseph or Job. I felt reassured that Jesus wouldn't misunderstand my sadness as a lack of faith.So I cried, feeling every ounce of the disappointment. I told God all the things I wish were different about this relationship, all the things I thought this person had done wrong, and what I wish this person would do differently.After the winds of grief subsided, I was done.
Grieving was the bridge I had to cross to move beyond the disappointment. On the other side I found myself in a place where I could embrace the relationship for what it is, not what it's not.On the other side of grief lies a place where we can consider how to respond to the person who disappointed us. There are a number of possible responses. Sometimes we need to talk to the person or get godly counsel. Other times we may need to create healthy boundaries, or we may need just to let it go. Only after we've allowed ourselves to grieve, however, will we know how to respond to this person in the way that God wants. Then the words, "People will let you down, but God never will," will be truly comforting, not just empty words.
Dear Lord, I'm so thankful that when it feels like no one else understands, You do. You understand about being disappointed in people but You loved them in the midst of that. Lord, I want to follow Your example. I'm thankful You know this sadness is a part of healing from the pain of disappointment. Give me guidance in handling this -I trust that You can bring good out of this. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
By Melanie Chitwood
Disappointment feels like a heavy rock sinking to the bottom of my spirit. I've felt disappointed in many situations – a business opportunity that didn't pan out, a writing door that didn't open, and a relationship that broke my young heart.The heaviest disappointments for me, however, stem from people. And not just any people; people who I'm closest to. People who turn out to be not at all what I hoped they'd be, or not who I thought they were.I know I'm not alone in wondering how to deal with people who let me down. Just this week a friend said with a choke in her voice, "I wish my mom and I could be closer, but I don't think we ever will be." Another woman said with despondency, "My husband and I just don't talk." I've heard the edge of bitterness in women's voices as they vow never to trust again because of a friend's betrayal. And most of us have swallowed the hopelessness that comes with a broken heart, "I thought he was the one."I've tried different ways to handle disappointments in relationships. One way is to ignore the disappointment, to shut it in a box and hope the lid holds. Another way is to gloss over it with a quick statement such as, "People will let you down, but God never will." True, but does this really help me process the hurt?One morning in my quiet time I was pouring out my sadness, anger and disappointment about a close relationship. As the tears slipped down my face, I begged God to show up. What do I do with all this? Show me and I'll do it because what I've been doing is not working.
Clear as a bell ringing in my spirit, Jesus said, Grieve.
Really? I questioned. I remembered that Jesus knew all about disappointment – Peter's denial, Judas' betrayal, and the disciples falling asleep during His anguish before His crucifixion (Matthew 26). I remembered people in the Bible who were well acquainted with people they loved letting them down, such as Joseph or Job. I felt reassured that Jesus wouldn't misunderstand my sadness as a lack of faith.So I cried, feeling every ounce of the disappointment. I told God all the things I wish were different about this relationship, all the things I thought this person had done wrong, and what I wish this person would do differently.After the winds of grief subsided, I was done.
Grieving was the bridge I had to cross to move beyond the disappointment. On the other side I found myself in a place where I could embrace the relationship for what it is, not what it's not.On the other side of grief lies a place where we can consider how to respond to the person who disappointed us. There are a number of possible responses. Sometimes we need to talk to the person or get godly counsel. Other times we may need to create healthy boundaries, or we may need just to let it go. Only after we've allowed ourselves to grieve, however, will we know how to respond to this person in the way that God wants. Then the words, "People will let you down, but God never will," will be truly comforting, not just empty words.
Dear Lord, I'm so thankful that when it feels like no one else understands, You do. You understand about being disappointed in people but You loved them in the midst of that. Lord, I want to follow Your example. I'm thankful You know this sadness is a part of healing from the pain of disappointment. Give me guidance in handling this -I trust that You can bring good out of this. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
By Melanie Chitwood
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)